Desperately seeking something

So there is this re-occurring outlandish theme that keeps coming out whenever I talk to myself about my mother in law and sister in law.

Then I remember that it is not possible. They could care less of who I am. Much less what I mean to my husband.

So thinking we'll bond or that somehow they'll value me for being his wife.

Then I tell myself that is my job.

To remain not in the fantasy of things, yet to be the wife my husband needs.

So as I put these ideas aside and leave that room for other conversations with myself to take place.

She was talking

Spent about three hours talking about how I would make dinner with my family. Well mostly aunts and uncles. Cousins that I hadn't seen in a long time.

Making breakfast for everyone. While also making a living with Patrick. It was awesome.
Only for it to be spoiled by the realization that it wouldn't work.

The more the talking continues, there is the sense of knowing. Somehow the person being breathed to life would only be that of a shadow.

It led into the other part of it, where justice is served. An those who felt as if I was not a person. Finally saw the errors of there ways.

Childish isn't it how we comfort ourselves in things. It is a habit now in this point in my life where I don't want it to stop. These sessions where it feels like a bunch of talking heads gather. All the happy shiny people. 

Ah the mythos.

Let me state I am fan of the Star Wars saga's, all of them 1-7 no if's or buts about it.
With all the books and other stuff in that mythos, you'd think I would stay away from the daydreaming of another Star Wars story.

However, triggered by my watching of the seventh movie, I have found myself pondering another story. Where we have older Luke, Leia and Han. Along with a Lando and chewie.
Though instead with Han and Leia have a daughter who is 14 years old. With Luke having a daughter who is 26, she's the child he had with the lovely blonde from the books.
Though that is where the fuzzy happens as I need to figure out how does that even work? Now why is Lando in this, what is his part. He's stepfather to a clone of the emperor. Though that is where things get even fuzzier. Just how to merge it so that he is able to relate to this? Without the whole deus ex problem.

Though what I have been saying outloud is how they are trying to live their lives and move forward. Though how do you do just that with the implied heavy backstory?

The idea is to have the 14 year old over come her natural limits and disabilities. Along with becoming this person who unifies the new republic and is akin to a Mon Montha figure or better Padme'-esque figure. With the 26 year old dealing with the sins of said family of the Skywalkers.

Now of course Lando's clone son would perhaps be a possible love interest or foil. Though how is the issue and why. I think him becoming a jedi is a good idea. Though what will he do, given who he is why would he do that?

Talking him out, he's this Paladin. Though I have no idea of what to do about it.

For now I need to get this out of my head. I want to get to where I can flesh them out and not talk them out. Its the purpose of the blog. Though it is through talking that I breathe them. However, the writing forms them.

To be continued.... 

Hours wasted.

He is a guy like the others in my mind. He's an actor up and coming. Works in the spotlight. Has these wonderful friends which who he has manged to create the life he has.

They are the friends he had for years. They are part of this group of people working their way up.

His name and their names have changed since I was little more than 17 years old. Though they have remained as they were. Beautiful people who are changing and growing in my head. Their not real.

Well. In the space of the room that I speak them aloud in, their real.

The problem is how I make them feel real. Of how I shape their lives. Or they shape themselves through me.

So that is what this blog will be about.

Please don't think me off or odd. I just want to no longer take up hours walking around in my room. Playing me minds versions of things.